I’m really looking forward to 2010. I’m not sure why. Maybe I just like the sound of it. Twenty-ten. It has a nice ring to it. I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions because I find them pointless. I do set goals for each year though. I don’t tend to make those goals public, but they give me something to work toward. I met most of my goals for 2009. One of my big goals didn’t quite make it though. That was the publication of Red. I could’ve forced it with a self-publish option, but I chose not to. (I’ll discuss this further in another post eventually.) I’ll move that goal to 2010 and ask all of you to send positive vibes into the universe for me that a publisher will offer me a fabulous contract.
Ringing in the New Year is always interesting to me. I tend to analyze, plan, and re-evaluate things constantly, so I don’t feel that end of year push to make changes in the coming year. I’m always happy to celebrate the completion of one year and the beginning of another. Celebrating a year’s successes is great fun. Learning from a year’s failures is just as important and sometimes worth a celebratory note as well. Accepting the things beyond my control in a given year is usually the hardest thing for me. I always search for what I could’ve done differently to give myself a different outcome. I have a hard time accepting it when there was nothing. That’s the control-freak perfectionist in me rearing her ugly head, but that’s okay. I give her a little chocolate and sparkling wine and tell her to take a nap. Yeah, never works, but the chocolate and wine taste good.
I’m happy with where I stand in my life on this last day of 2009 and looking forward into 2010. Not every move was a success, but every move brought something to my life that may not have been there otherwise.
So I hope you’ll take a few minutes to reflect on your successes and your failures as well as what you learned from both. I hope you’ll take a few minutes to appreciate those who’ve brought love, laughter, and joy into your life not just in 2009 but throughout your life. I hope you’ll take a few minutes to think how you can bring love, laughter, and joy into someone else’s life.
Wishing you happy memories of 2009 and great memory making in 2010!
Happy New Year!
As many of you know, my husband and I don’t celebrate Christmas. We actually celebrate very few holidays as far as that goes. We generally have a Thanksgiving dinner and often invite friends to join us. We’ll attend family events IF we happen to be in Kentucky when they happen. Oddly enough for people who don’t celebrate Christmas, we send out approximately 175 holiday cards every year, and every year I swear that I’m going to cut the list way back the next year but that doesn’t seem to happen. We remove people whose addresses are no longer valid and add new friends we’ve met, so we always end up somewhere between 170 and 178 cards. We’ll cook a special meal on Christmas Day just because we’re both home and we like to cook. I decided to roast a duck this year. It’ll be my first time. Wish me luck. But other than that, no decorations, no tree, and no presents. I like it this way. We’re not scrooges. We give generously to people in our lives throughout the year - at least we try to. Some years we’re more successful at it than others. This is a choice we’ve made and I have no desire to change it.
I think about what people call the Christmas Spirit with heaviness in my heart as odd as that may sound. It seems like people care more around the holidays - or at least express it more, are more charitable, become more family oriented, and reach out to friends more readily. If that’s Christmas Spirit, I think life is sadly lacking something. Shouldn’t we care about the world and other people every day of the year? Shouldn’t we be generous every day of the year? Should we focus on our loved ones every day of the year? Shouldn’t we express our love for others and our desire for “peace on earth” every day of the year? Otherwise, isn’t it all just lip service?
Last year, I wrote an essay about my most memorable Christmas experience. Many of you may have read it. Those of you who missed it can read it at Christmas Ends . I’ll warn you, it may show you a side of my family you didn’t know existed. Anyway, enjoy the essay. If you read it last year, there are no changes, I just thought I’d post the link for those who missed it.
Happy Holidays to you whatever holiday you celebrate. If you choose not to celebrate any holiday, then just know I wish you happiness. May you carry a generosity of spirit, a loving heart, and an understanding spirit always.
I’ve been thinking a lot about charity and charitable giving lately. My husband and I aren’t the types to wait for the holiday season to do our donating. We donate throughout the year when we see a need we can help with. I get annoyed with the push for people to donate around the holidays. I understand it, but it still annoys me. People who are hungry are just as hungry in July as in November or December. We hear what a shame it is that people have to do without on Thanksgiving or Christmas. What about the other 363 days of the year? Is it okay that they go hungry then? Where is that charitable spirit in the middle of July’s soaring heat?
Sometimes I wonder how much it really has to do with a charitable spirit at all. Maybe it has more to do with the approaching of the end of the year and needing to get those tax write-offs in. Charities know this is the case, and they will remind people some more bluntly than others. Then there are those who feel guilt over buying a bunch of presents that won’t be appreciated in six months. Do those in need care why you’re giving? No, they don’t have time to waste on such thoughts.
Yet I feel the need to examine my own attitudes toward charity from time to time. I want to give from a place of caring, so that I always support charities that I believe in rather than giving from a place of guilt. It’s important to me that the money, time, talent and goods I donate are really being used to help those in need or society as a whole.
I’ve noticed lately there are food donation bins in most of the grocery stores, Salvation Army volunteers ringing bells in store doorways, and cashiers asking if you’d like to donate a book for foster children to name a few. This week alone I donated money to pet shelters through Petco’s drive, bought a book for a foster child through a drive at Borders, and took a box of items to Safehaven, a local pet shelter. Why now? Well, the opportunities were right in front of my face, so it was easy. Still, earlier in the year, we donated items and money to various charities as well as medical research organizations. I’m not sure how much we’ve donated this year, but I’m sure I’ll be surprised when I add it up in a few weeks for our taxes.
I think giving to worthy organizations is important and worthwhile. I wish people felt the same way in July as in December. I don’t think it’s Christmas spirit to be charitable around the holidays. If you want to truly give to the community or help the downtrodden, please find ways to do so throughout the year. Not just during the holiday season.
Contributing my essay, The Gift of You, to the book, Be the Star You Are! for Teens: Simple Gifts for Living, Loving, Laughing, Learning, and Leading
It’s easy for us to give money or old stuff cluttering up our homes, but I, for one, need to be more generous with my time and talents to help others. What about you?
So go ahead and give today, tomorrow, next week, etc. Just don’t forget that there are people and animals who need help every month of the year.
My husband has been in England on business this week. Every time he goes out of town, I create an enormous list of things to do. I want to keep busy, and I always think it’ll be a good time to catch up on the things I just haven’t had time to do. I always forget three things that will interfere with my best laid plans. I’ll have trouble sleeping making my mornings sluggish and unproductive. I’ll forget to fix decent meals, so I’ll end up eating whatever I can throw together in the least amount of time meaning I’ll eat unbalanced meals and increase my chocolate intake. I’ll wait anxiously by the telephone when I know it’s about time for him to call just like a lovesick schoolgirl. All these things are the perfect formula to make concentration impossible and productivity decline.
This time when he left I decided to set my goals a little more realistic. So here goes in no particular order.
Finish filling out and mail holiday cards. DONE!
Finish editing Red (the hand edits). DONE! (wouldn’t have made it if he hadn’t missed his connecting flight yesterday but I’m counting it anyway.)
Type changes to Red. Not even started.
Edit stack of poems written recently. Not even started.
Take car in for oil change and tire pressure check. DONE!
Take Kit to vet for 1 year checkup and a booster vaccine. DONE! (Also, took Kit to Petco after vet. She likes to go there with me. She also likes to ride in the car. Go figure.)
Get hair cut. (Well, that was already on my schedule but I kept the appointment. :) DONE!
Pick up check for clothes sold at Second Glance. DONE! (and it was a nice one, too)
Take pile of checks on my desk to the Credit Union to deposit. (Some had been there for at least six weeks). DONE!
Update Quicken. Not even started.
Clean the house thoroughly. DREAM ON!
Make CDs of my work as Partners in Crime newsletter editors and mail to Angie and Blane. Not started yet.
And, there were a few other little items on the list. Some I did, others I didn’t. But they were more if I have time I’ll do them items.
Of course, this was in addition to the daily chores I already do.
How long was he going to be gone? You ask. From Monday to Friday.
So I’m grading myself. Since I got the ones highest on my priority list done, I’m giving myself an B. I’d give myself an A if I at least did part of the thorough house cleaning. An A- if I’d at least updated Quicken.
I don’t care though. My husband will be home in a few hours, and that’s the most important thing! I can’t wait. But let’s see if I can knock one or two more items off my list before he actually pulls in the driveway this afternoon. Then maybe I can give him my full attention - well at least until he zonks out. International travel is exhausting.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Every year around this time, I evaluate the writers groups/organizations to which I belong especially those that require membership fees. Belonging to a number of writers groups can become quite costly. Individually, the fees don’t seem like so much. When I run a report though that shows how much I paid in group membership fees in a year, I’m always surprised. The total for the writers groups I belonged to came close to $200.00 this year. Did I get $200.00 worth of service from these groups? When I break it down individually, I realize it varies from group to group. Some groups have a better return on investment than others. Isn’t that how we should judge our memberships? The groups always tout their potential benefits. Potential is the key word here. If due to location, money constraints, or other obstacles, a potential benefit isn’t available to me personally, I don’t think I should include it as a benefit. What if what one considers a benefit, I actually find determental to my work? Do I have to consider it then? I don’t think so. So as I begin to weigh these issues, I become less and less enamored with the groups I’ve joined.
One of the national groups in which I have a membership has a fairly active Yahoo group that allows members to discuss issues and share good news. I used to be fairly active in this group often contributing to the discussions and trying to both share what I’ve learned and learn from others. After awhile, I realized this group’s discussions had become a distraction and that they were making me feel uninspired and, at times, even bad about myself. Since support for fellow writers is a big part of this group’s mission, I became disheartened with the group. I put them on “digest” and scanned the headlines every few days. My writing output soon increased, my work gained some attention, and I began to feel good about my writing again. This seems a clear signal there’s something about this group - at least the Yahoo portion of it - that doesn’t work for me. I’m left wondering how that reflects on the group as a whole. Many of its members are on the listserv. In the past few weeks, as I’ve mulled over my memberships, I’ve started reading the digests a bit more often and a bit more closely. I’m beginning to feel that same mental distraction and judged attitude that I felt a year ago when I put them on digest. And I’ve not even commented on the group since last January according to my sent items box! How can I feel judged and criticized when I’m not even posting anything? I’m torn. This group has a really good reputation, and that could be useful to me. On the other hand, why should I continue to support a group that I don’t feel supports me? I didn’t even share my good writing news with the group this past year. I guess I still could, but, honestly, I doubt very many of the members would be happy for me. It saddens me to feel that way.
Another group to which I belong, let’s call it regional, provides little for me. I receive an occasional bit of information about happenings I can’t attend. They will publish my “good news” if/when I submit it to them. . I keep forgetting I’m a member of this group. I’m not so sure it’s worth it for what I pay in membership fees. I’ve looked for ways to be more involved with this group, but I really feel the only thing I get from my membership is “the potential for” but not the actuals.
Another group to which I belong is an easy decision at least for now. There are meetings, albeit, a bit inconvenient because of the distance, but it works okay. They provide nice bits of information about things happening in the general area and provide some opportunities for promotion. I’ll keep this memberhship.
There’s one more group under consideration at the moment. It’s a long distant group of which I was an active member before my move to Oregon. It’s not a very active group, so the membership benefits mostly consist of their newsletter and occasionally online discussions. I’ve not made a fnal decision, but I’m leaning toward keeping my membership here for one more year.
A couple of other groups to which I belong aren’t currently under consideration for different reasons.
Evaluating what a group does for you is always a tough chore. Especially when you know the “potential” even though the potentials never seem to become actual whether due to the group dynamic, your own personal goals and attitudes, or to the group having lost its way somewhere along the line.
Even writing this blog hasn’t helped me make a final decision on the group that’s creating the biggest dilemma for me. Guess I’ll just have to think about it some more.
It probably comes as no surprise to anyone who knows me that I think books make excellent presents. As an author and an avid reader, how could I think otherwise?
Books teach us, inspire us, and change us. Books allow us to feel connected to the whole world. Books give us the opportunity to see ourselves in characters that surprise us. They allow us to see the world through someone else’s eyes. We can choose to always read about characters who are much like ourselves, but where’s the fun in that? Books with characters from cultures we’ve never experienced can allow us to step into that culture for a little while without ever leaving the comfort of our homes. A well written book can take us to England, the Sahara, Paris, or the depths of the jungle. We can understand history better through stories that examine not just the events but how people were affected. We can feel a sense of justice through crime novels where the bad guys always get caught - or killed. We can confront our prejudices and biases without feeling threatened. We can learn about the world around us, the people in it, and ourselves in the pages of books. Knowledge comes to us when we open our minds and hearts to allow it in.
Read a good book this winter. You just might escape to some far away place or maybe go just across town. You just might find compassion for a human being you didn’t consider worthy before you started the book. You just might learn something to enrich your life. On the other hand, maybe all that will happen is you will be entertained for a few hours. That’s all right, too.
Here are ten books I think are worth reading. There are many more and I feel incredibly guilty about every one I’m ommitting from the list, but here goes. They are in no particular order. Some are parts of series and so may require reading those that come before in the series. I’ll try to indicate the number in the series when that’s the case.
And Those Left Behind
L.A. Requiem (Elvis Cole Novels)
A Time to Kill: A Novel
The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Jane Eyre (Vintage Classics)
Billy
Night Sins
Girls of Riyadh
The Notebook
The Bean Trees: A Novel (P.S.)
This in no way is a complete list of books I wish everyone would read but it’s a good start. I would add that my novel, All She Ever Wanted
To buy any of the titles mentioned, click on the link. It will take you to Amazon to purchase the book.
To see other books I’ve enjoyed check out my reviews at TL’s Picks.
The other day my Mom said to me “Old age isn’t what we thought it’d be…”
This stuck with me. I’m not sure what she expected “old age” to be. I’m also not sure what she wanted me to say, but I’m fairly certain I didn’t say it.
It seems she’s mostly upset that my husband and I don’t live closer as indicated by later comments like “I wish you lived close enough for us to drop by for dinner or to play cards.” Still, I don’t think that’s how she really imagined “old age”. She knew from the time I was a child, as did most everyone who knew me, that I had no intention of staying close to “home”, so I have a hard time believing she ever thought I’d live close enough for “drop by” visits. I never made any secret of my desire to move to the West Coast. Okay, Berkley, California was my big dream as a teenager but Oregon works just fine now. Why Berkley? It was the setting in a book I read as a teenager, and I thought “Ah, that’s the place for me.” Of course, books are one thing and reality is another. I wish I could remember the name of the book or even the author, but it alludes me. Still, it goes to show how books can inspire us to change our lives.
Okay, so my expectation to live in Berkley, California hasn’t happened. Since I no longer have the desire, it’s now unlikely to ever happen. Once I let go of that expectation and accepted the life in front of me, I began to enjoy life where I was instead of always focusing on how to get “somewhere else”. I stopped playing the “When I live in Berkley, I’ll be happy.” or my other favorite “When I accomplish X, I’ll be happy.”
When I spent my life dwelling on all the things I wanted that I didn’t get, I lived in anger. I was irritable and closed off. I wouldn’t have recognized an opportunity if it danced a jig right in front of me. Life began to open up to me when I let go of disappointment of unmet expectations. I started to see possibilities instead of just obstacles. Actually, I still struggle with this sometimes. It’s a process. Writing poetry, short stories, and my first novel, All She Ever Wanted, as well as numerous other works, helped me find my way. There are times when I still struggle with my expectations being dashed. I embrace that moment, try to figure out what to do differently, or how to change my expectations.
On the other hand, all those unmet expectations fueled my writing providing me endless ideas, concepts, and emotions to explore. My muse was entangled with unmet expectations. I still allow those to fuel my writing while I work not to live in the misery they bring.
Writing is a business filled with expectations and dreams that are often dashed along the way to finding success as are most worthwhile endeavors. And, sometimes the opportunities that come aren’t always my first choice. I’ve not always recognized opportunities until I was entrenched in the process. This happened with the planning of Murder in the Grove. I got to meet a lot of great people and to know some agents outside of the submission/rejection process. I learned a lot from my experience. I wrote about that in an associated content article. You can read it at What I Learned About Agents from Chairing a Conference , if you’d like.
The publication of All She Ever Wanted wasn’t exactly what I expected either. I set my expectations high and faced inevitable disappointment when sales didn’t jump to the bestseller list. An expectation I didn’t even realize at the time wasn’t a possibility due to the choice of publication method I’d made. Still, when I changed that expectation I noticed people were buying the book, reading it, and enjoying it. I shifted my expectations and suddenly I realized that I could learn a lot from the decision I’d made. I embraced that and started on a path to learn everything I could about the pros and cons of the decision I’d made.
Life rarely is what we expect. We can either embrace it or we can dwell on what isn’t what we wanted. For me, the key to not wallowing in misery is to accept the now that is and move from there. We can dwell on the positive and enjoy life or we can make ourselves and everyone around us miserable by focusing only on what we lack.
Maybe this is easy for me to say because I truly enjoy my life. I feel happier now that I ever have in my life. I don’t think back to any “glory days” because I’m always more interested in what today will bring. That’s not to say I don’t miss people. I often remember times I’ve shared with with friends and family with great fondness, but I don’t wish to go back to another time. I’ve become who I am because of the sum total of my experiences good and bad. I wouldn’t change that for anything.
So I want to encourage you to look at the unmet expectations in your life and see how they’ve helped you grow, what you can teach other people from them, and how you can embrace the life you have and let go of the life you wanted. You just might find you’re happier and that some of those expectations either don’t matter or will come your way when you stop holding them so tight they can’t breath. Or maybe they’ll just be replaced with something much better than you ever anticipated!