Okay, Kelly, this one is for you. Sort of. You were disappointed I haven’t done an analysis of my problem writing a true short story about goodbye. Since every attempt I’ve made at a short story has turned into either a poem about avoiding the word goodbye or the first lines of an essay about why I hate goodbyes, maybe it’s time to blog about it. If it helps me get to the short story, all the better. :)
When I first read about this writing opportunity, I immediately remembered my Daddy driving to EKU to tell me my beloved Border Collie, TJ, had died. I thought I’d write that story. When I tried, it just didn’t come out right. All I could think was “I never said goodbye to TJ. I don’t even know where on the farm Daddy buried him.”
I didn’t want to tell that story anymore. I made a list of other possible topics. I came up with a few topics. The brown teddy bear I’ve never been able to part with. Saying goodbye to my Grandma when she was dying. The death of my high school classmate, Travis. How the first words I ever said to my husband were “Good Night” as he left the room. A few relationships ending. And so on. Still my pen simply pressed a hole into the paper instead of moving across it.
Then I started thinking about all the ways I avoid saying goodbye. “Love you” to family and really close friends. “Talk to/see you later.” to friends who aren’t quite as close. “Call me.” or “I’ll call you” when appropriate. And so on.
So I turned my focus to goodbyes that aren’t. I’ve had enough of those to last a lifetime. Those unreturned phone calls, letters, and emails that eventually get the message across. The disappearing acts we do from people’s lives when saying “goodbye” would be too uncomfortable, painful or embarrassing. Or even when we fear the goodbye will be too joyful. You know, the “I’m so glad I’ll never have to be near that person again.” feeling. You’ve had it at least once in your life, don’t deny it.
So there I was writing across the paper “I’m not good at saying goodbye. I never have been.” and it dawned on me. I hate goodbyes. Goodbye feels so final.
So yesterday I posted my realization as my Facebook status. The responses made me realize there must be other people in the world who hate goodbyes as much as I do.
Eventually I forced a few words out on a couple of the story ideas from my list, but I felt like they didn’t do the story justice. Therein lies the real problem, I think. This has to be a TRUE story about a REAL experience from my life. Saying goodbye in fiction is easy. I can say goodbye in my poetry. But to write a real life goodbye story that puts my life on display for others to pick apart. Wait a minute, I write this blog, I’ve written essays that put my life on display, so why is THIS story so incredibly hard to write? I wish I knew.
My solution. I have a little time before the story has to be submitted, so I moved the item on my schedule. Perhaps relieving the pressure will help. We’ll see.
Anyway, I’ll let you know if/when I figure it out and get a story on paper.