A little over a year ago I decided to remove myself from a situation that was causing me frustration as well as serving as a major distraction in my life. Okay, it’s not as devastating as it sounds. It was a listserv for a writers group. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with the group per se. I just needed to see if a break from the group would energize my writing. A part of me hoped it wouldn’t. I wanted to believe the group served a vital purpose in my life and in my career. I’d come to the point that I didn’t even want to share my good news with the group because I didn’t think most of the members would care. Okay, to be honest, I expected it to launch a dissection of my choices resulting in a series of criticisms. When I realized that I didn’t want to share with them a contest I’d won or upcoming radio interviews I scheduled, I knew there was something wrong with my membership in the group. Whether the problem was me or them or just the dynamic of the two mixing I wasn’t sure.
So I did it. I put the group on digest, barely scanned the subject lines for the next several months, and held back from posting a reply, new thread, or even my good news for the entire year. I checked recently to see when my last post was because I didn’t write it down when I made my decision. All I remembered was it was sometime in January 2009. My last post appears to have been January 24, 2009.
Now this is the part where I think I’m supposed to say I missed the camaraderie of the group, the discussions about the industry, the inspiration the discussions created, etc. I also think I’m supposed to say my work suffered. I’m supposed to say how much the group helped me and how beneficial it is. And, I really want to be able to say all those things. However, the opposite happened. My writing output increased significantly. I started a blog. I found other outlets for talking to writers who made me feel inspired. And, I shared my good news with people who actually got excited for me! I put my focus back on my original intentions for writing and moved them away from pleasing ”the in crowd”. Geez, I thought I outgrew that after high school. Wow! I actually feel a little sad at the outcome because I think online groups have the potential to be very beneficial to people, and it all comes down to what people are looking for in life. On the other hand, my writing has moved forward more in the last year than it had in a couple of years. How much that has to do with not participating in the conversations on this listserv, I can’t be sure. I turned my energies toward writing articles and blogs instead of long emails answering questions, providing information and/or other viewpoints, defending viewpoints to try to convince people closed to any idea other than the one they started with, and trying to build relationships, for lack of a better word, with people who were at best indifferent.
I’ve avoided mentioning a group name because the group may well be very beneficial for other people, and I don’t want to discourage people from giving online groups a try. Rather I want people to be cognizant of the amount of time they spend on groups and other discussions, so they can see whether or not participating in the group is have a negative effect on their work, their psyches, or just their lives. If the group becomes an excuse for not working on the projects at hand or for postponing new projects, it may be time for a hiatus. I found it easy to convince myself that participating in the group was part of my “job”, and so excused the excessive amount of time I spent reading posts and composing answers. It is good to participate in groups, and when beneficial it can be a part of the job, BUT, as writers our first job is to write. Group participation is part of networking and should handled as such.
I haven’t left this group and don’t have plans to leave any time soon. I also don’t plan to up my activity by much in the coming months. My participation though will be based on my progress on my projects, whether I have anything meaningful to add to the conversation, and the time I have left at the end of the day.
So don’t feel pressured to participate in groups at the expense of your own projects. On airplanes they tell us to put on our oxygen mask before we try to help anyone else. The metaphor can be applied to writing. Make sure your writing is breathing and flourishing before you step in to help others. Participate as much as fits your life and don’t worry about disappointing other people. So write first, participate whenever you can and want to, and keep an eye on your priorities. That’s what I plan to do.