In this week’s The Prosperous Writer, Christina Katz talks about being polite.
I have to admit when I read polite was this week’s topic, I murmered “No duh. That’s a given.” But then I thought about it. How often have you been somewhere where rudeness ruled the day? How often have you wondered if anyone teaches manners these days? So, okay, maybe some people do need to be reminded to be polite.
I am a Southern girl. Please, thank you, you’re welcome, yes ma’am, no sir, excuse me, sorry etc. roll off my tongue without effort. That being said I can also turn on the Southern charm and tell you in no uncertain terms where you can spend eternity - no, not heaven, sweetie - and have you thank me for it without even realizing it until later. You may think that doesn’t exactly fit the definition of polite, but in my world it does.
People sometimes accuse Southerns of having their very own brand of English, and there may be some truth to that. Where else can you hear someone drawl slowly, “Well, ya know he’d had no raisin.’ Bless his heart. His Momma and Daddy just did the best they could. Bless their hearts.” Translation. He’s ornery as a rattlesnake (oh, geez, I just threw another southern expression in there. Translation 2: He behaves really bad.) and his parents never disciplined him or taught him how to behave. But, oh, doesn’t the first one sound so much more polite.
Once I was temping at Boise Cascade in Boise, Idaho. My job was to call a list of their offices around the country to gather information. The first three I called I received very abrupt greetings, got my questions answered, and went on my way feeling grumpier by the call. The fourth call I made I didn’t even pay attention to the number as I dialed. The gentleman who answered greeted me very pleasantly with a cheerful hello. When I told him what information I needed from him, he replied “Well, yes ma’am. I’ve got that right here for you. You let me know when you’re ready.” I smiled and said. “I’m sorry, sir, but do you mind if I ask where you’re at.” He said. “Of course not, ma’am. I’m in Florida. And, what part of the South are you from, ma’am? I can tell you’re not from Boise.” I laughed. “Sir, I knew you were in the South. There’s just something about Southern manners. I’m from Kentucky.” He laughed. “Yes, ma’am, my Grandmama would have my hide if I didn’t mind my manners.” We finished our business and hung up after wishing each other a pleasant rest of the day. As I went to get a drink of water, I realized how his politeness had lifted my mood while the three early calls had made me feel like an intruder. Amazing what good manners can do.
When I was growing up, there was no choice but to use good manners. Everyone, including my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, and family friends would remind us to use our manners if we forgot. A few years ago I was with someone I didn’t know very well when her child asked me for something. I handed it to the child and when the child didn’t say thank you, I said “What do you say?” The child looked at me blankly and I was astounded. So I said very gently “Thank you. When someone hands you something you say “Thank you.” The child mumbled “Thank you.” I said “You’re welcome.” When I turned toward the mother, she was glaring at me. I mumbled to the mother “Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep.” She shrugged. Since then I always look to the mother before saying anything to the child. It doesn’t change the fact that I feel all children should be taught good manners. I’ve just realized that unlike my upbringing some parents don’t appreciate others trying to teach their children manners.
When dealing with people in any setting, good manners always rule the day. They make people feel accepted and respected. My characters generally have good manners. Sometimes though, for plot lines, there are good reasons to create rude characters. They add interest to the story and depth to the characters. Showing someone who is normally polite suddenly being impolite can be a way to signal to the reader that the character is stressed, scared, or otherwise out of sorts.
One thing I’ve always found is that good manners open doors while bad manners get them slammed shut. When you treat someone politely, all you’re really doing is showing respect and consideration for the other person as a human being.
If you tend to throw niceties out the window for the sake of convenience, I challenge you to incorporate them into your daily life. You may find being polite gets your faster, better results. You may find it attracts people to you who are helpful and want to see you succeed. You may find it makes interactions that you normally avoid more tolerable. You may just find that it attracts success right to your door.
So, thank you for reading my blog. And, I hope you’ll back real soon! You’re always welcome here!
August 3rd, 2010 at 8:16 pm I so agree with you about teaching children manners. I hope that by teaching my girls manners I am teaching them to approach everyone with a mindset of courtesy, that perhaps everyone deserves to be offered an opportunity. I can’t imagine a better way to introduce the golden rule.
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:05 pm I had a feeling you would appreciate this one. :)